Voice Changes 3.0 - clips 12 through 19

Here are voice clips 12 through 19. As you can tell there hasn't been much change recently, so I've stopped doing them every week. At this point I've been shooting for about every 3 weeks. Also, starting on November 2nd, I started recording my voice in the evening instead of morning. I think there was a significant difference in how the tenor of my voice sounds.

Clip 12: August 19th, 2009 - 10 weeks on T

Clip 13: August 25th, 2009 - 11 weeks on T

Clip 14: September 9th, 2009 - 13 weeks on T

Clip 15: September 16th, 2009 - 14 weeks on T

Clip 16: September 30th, 2009 - 16 weeks on T

Clip 17: November 2nd, 2009 - 21 weeks on T (This is the first of my evening recordings)

Clip 18: November 18th, 2009 - 23 weeks on T

Clip 19: December 9th, 2009 - 26 weeks on T (This one was recorded one day shy of my 6-month anniversary of starting T)

General Updates

I said I'd try to write more often, so here I am.

This time 2 weeks from now I'll be breast-free. Woohoo! I very excited. Mind you, I'm not excited about having surgery per-se, but I am excited for the end result. I'm also excited that for my birthday in January, I won't be wearing a binder. It's kind of like my first birthday truly feeling like myself. That's one hell of a birthday present.

As I said, my facial hair is growing in which I'm happy about. Unfortunately, it's growing in unevenly. It's annoying, but I suppose it'll get there eventually.

Laura and I have been working out a lot more and I can say that it's exciting to be able to work out and actually see the results in terms of muscle growth. Since starting Testosterone, I've noticed a marked difference in the way my body responds to working out. I love it! I've also noticed that the T has affected how my body distributes adipose tissue (fat). It's not putting it onto my hips so much anymore. I suspect, if I weren't working out, I'd be developing a bit of a gut instead. So, yay! for working out.

I promised voice clips and photos in my last post, so I'm going to try to upload them tomorrow or Friday. My temp job a University of Puget Sound ended without them being able to extend it, so I'll have more free time heading up to Christmas.

Voice Changes 1.0

My voice has started to drop. I wasn't sure initially, since I didn't hear any change until after working my booth at the Seattle Pride Festival on June 27th. I almost talked myself hoarse. For the first couple days I just attributed the change to the festival. Certainly, some of it was the strain on my voice from the Pride Festival, but not all of it. I think I can safely say at this point that my voice is starting to get lower and roughen a bit. I don't know how low it'll go. There are many transmen out there who's voices don't drop very much, but rather who's voices just get gruffer. Of course, I also don't know how high their voices were to begin with. Ultimately, it's all just up to our individual biology.

I actually noticed a difference in how my throat felt within a few days of starting Testosterone. The closest feeling I can liken it to is how your throat feels when you're about to lose your voice from a cold or from yelling a lot. But there was none of the discomfort of having a cold or having talked my vocal cords raw. All told it was a bit of an odd feeling. I don't know if this is how it feels for cisgendered (non-transgendered) men when they go through puberty. If any of you remember how it felt, I'd be curious to know.

On a related note, I'm going to start posting my voice recordings shortly. I'm trying to find a way to upload them or embed them into these posts so you can listen to them. At the same time, I want them to be secure, so not just anyone can download them. If anyone has any suggestions on this front I'd appreciate them. As far as I can tell Blogger (the blogging tool you're viewing right now) lets you upload videos, but not sound clips.

That's all for now!

Starting T

Yesterday, I started taking testosterone.  There's really not much to tell about this, since it's pretty straight forward.  I had a doctor's appointment yesterday, during which my doctor walked me through how to self-administer the injection.  I'll be injecting .5cc once a week.  1cc every other week is a more common dosage, but it can lead to more significant ups and downs in mood.  I've opted to play it safe with the moods and just poke myself twice as often.

Obviously there won't be any changes for a while.  My voice will probably be the first change that I or anyone else notices.  I'm going to be recording my voice each week.  However, I won't post any recordings online  for about another month, since there won't be any changes to be heard any earlier than that.

Anyway, just thought I'd share with everyone.  In many ways, this is the biggest step in transitioning.  More than any surgery I might get down the line, the testosterone will be responsible for most of the changes I go through.  I'm very excited to be starting on this journey finally.  I'm glad you all get to watch the proverbial grass grow with me.

Picking up Testosterone Prescription

I just wanted to relate my experience about picking up my prescription for T.  A week ago (5/28) I went up to Seattle a picked up my prescription from my doctor.  It's too highly controlled of a substance to be faxed or called in to a pharmacy.

I really wasn't sure what to expect from the folks at the pharmacy.  They're supposed to be friendly and not give people odd looks for their prescriptions, but honestly, I figured I'd get at least a little bit of double take bringing in a prescription for testosterone.  I mean, as much as I try to pass as a guy while out in public, my voice is quite clearly female and my ID still says "F" instead of "M" on it.  I was sure they would be weirded out by someone they certainly perceived as female requesting a prescription for testosterone.  I was pleasantly surprised when I brought in the prescription and the woman looked at it and went in the back to check that they had it on hand.  They did.  She didn't even blink at the request.

We still had to wait a bit for her to run the insurance info and input the prescription into their system. There were also several prescriptions ahead of mine.  Now, I had been to this pharmacy before, for other prescriptions, so my information was in their system, but under "Heather" not "Henry" (my prescription was written out to my current name).  When we came back to pick up the actual prescription, she had already updated their information with my new name.  Overall, the experience was actually a pleasant one (I had been bracing myself for a potentially unpleasant one).

As a side note, my insurance did cover the prescription.  I don't know if they will kick it back at a later date or not.  Insurance companies are notoriously inconsistent with coverage of transpeople.

2 weeks and counting...

Yesterday I got the news from my counselor that I've been waiting for. I'm going to be starting T in 2 weeks. She told me that she should have my Letter for me when we meet for our next session, June 8th. The gender specialist at Seattle Counseling Service has to sign off on the Letter, so it's not a for sure thing just yet. However, my counselor said she didn't see any reason that the specialist wouldn't sign off. Two days later I have an appointment with my Seattle doctor.

It's a little strange to me that I have two general practitioners that I see, but the doctor I see here in Tacoma didn't feel comfortable prescribing testosterone. She specializes in women's health, so the occasion for her to prescribe T for anyone just doesn't occur. I'd have been the first.

Instead I'm seeing a doctor at Capitol Hill Medial. I would recommend any of the doctors at this office for trans patients. I have never felt anything but welcome and completely accepted at Capitol Hill Medical. Capitol Hill Medical is a practice that just opened up last August and specifically serves the GLBTA community.

The first time I called to make an appointment, the receptionist informed me that most of their patients were either gay, lesbian, bisexual, and/or transgender, and that if this made me uncomfortable, then this probably was not the best match for me (he worded it much better than I did). I found this sort of pro-active approach to serving the GLBT community extremely refreshing. It wasn't just a passive sort of "We won't discriminate against you", but rather "You are the patient we want to serve." The practice comprises of 3 doctors, all men, probably all gay (thought that may just by an assumption on my part), and all of whom see trans patients and are willing to help them with transitioning. If all goes well with getting my Letter, I'll get my first injection of testosterone on June 10th. Believe me, I'm counting down the days...

Update 5-25-09

Tomorrow I have another appointment with my counselor.  I've actually had one appointment since I last posted.  I asked her the last time we met if she could give me a timeline for when i'll start T.  She said she couldn't since she doesn't actually write sign off on the Letter.  What she does is make a case to the Gender Specialist at Seattle Counseling Service.  The Gender Specialist then signs off on the Letter (or not).  I'm hoping that tomorrow she'll be able to give me a more definitive timeline.  I'm trying not to get my hope up though.  It'll be a major disappointment if I have to go yet another two weeks wondering when it's going to happen.

Counseling

I still haven't started taking Testosterone (T) yet.  I was supposed to start a week from yesterday, but I was assigned a new intern for my counseling, which pushed back my schedule a bit.  I don't actually know when I'm going to start at this point, but I'm hoping within a month.  It's very frustrating not having a timeline anymore.

Since most of you probably don't know what the process is for starting T, I'm going to take this opportunity to go over it.

The first step is figuring out that you're transgendered and that you want to transition.  Not everyone does decide to transition.  For some people deciding that you want to transition can be the biggest step of all.  For others, it's something they've known their whole lives.

From here there are two steps a guy can take.

One step, is to speak directly with a physician who will prescribe Testosterone.  This is not the most common avenue for obtaining a prescription for T.  For one, it's very difficult to find a doctor who knows much about how T will affect their FTM patient.  If for some reason a doctor doesn't know much about it, but is open minded and willing to learn, often the patient will have to teach the doctor.  Transpeople who want to transition, have often done extensive research into the effects of the hormones they need to take.  In many areas they are well equipped to teach others, however, most are still not trained medical professionals.  So, essentially, the patient ends up dishing out quite a bit of money to teach their physician how to treat them.  Most physicians are not comfortable with this arrangement (understandably), but if there are no other options and they feel strongly about helping their patient some doctors will do what they can and learn along the way.  This approach completely legal, if not recommended.  Of course, someone has to be the first in their area.

The second option after figuring out that you want to transition, is finding a trans-friendly therapist/counselor who will write your "letter".  You then take this letter to a physician who prescribes you T and monitors your physical health.  The physician quite possibly is not any better informed or trained than any doctor, but because their patient went through a therapist first it's possible they might have access to additional information.

This process basically follows the Harry Benjamin Standards of Care (SOC).  "Standards of care for gender identity disorders are non-binding protocols outlining the usual treatment for individuals who wish to undergo hormonal or surgical transition to the other sex. Clinicians' decisions regarding patients' treatment are often influenced by this standard of care (SOC)." (see this wikipedia article for more info and reference)

Your letter is basically a letter, signed by a licensed mental health professional, stating that you desire to transition from one sex to the other, and that your reasons for doing so are legitimate (in other words, you're not schizophrenic).  It used to be that mental health professionals would write a letter officially diagnosing you with Gender Identity Disorder (GID), for which the treatment is to transition.  This practice has been slowly changing.  Being diagnosed with a mental illness can be extremely hurtful, especially when no illness is actually present.  Many mental health professionals these days consider it enough, simply to say that their patient is of sound enough mind to make this sort of major decision.  This is the practice at Seattle Counseling Service (a GLBT focused counseling center), where I'm going to obtain my letter.

It's preferable to find a counselor who has done counseling for people who want to transition before for much the same reasons as finding a doctor who has helped other clients transition before.  But again someone has to be the first, and if the counselor is open-minded it's important to weigh having experience in trans issues against a counselor/client relationship that may already be well forged.

There is actually a third option for obtaining T, which is to obtain it illegally, without a prescription.  This method is not recommended for all the usual reasons taking controlled substances without a prescription isn't recommended.

According the SOC (also used internationally) 3 months of counseling are recommended before issuing a letter.  My three month mark would have been this Monday (5/11), but the intern I was seeing ended her internship and left Seattle Counseling.  I saw my new intern only last week.  Understandably, she felt the need to get to know me a bit better before writing my letter, so I'll just have to wait and see if she can give a me timeline the next time we meet.