Voice Changes 3.0 - clips 12 through 19

Here are voice clips 12 through 19. As you can tell there hasn't been much change recently, so I've stopped doing them every week. At this point I've been shooting for about every 3 weeks. Also, starting on November 2nd, I started recording my voice in the evening instead of morning. I think there was a significant difference in how the tenor of my voice sounds.

Clip 12: August 19th, 2009 - 10 weeks on T

Clip 13: August 25th, 2009 - 11 weeks on T

Clip 14: September 9th, 2009 - 13 weeks on T

Clip 15: September 16th, 2009 - 14 weeks on T

Clip 16: September 30th, 2009 - 16 weeks on T

Clip 17: November 2nd, 2009 - 21 weeks on T (This is the first of my evening recordings)

Clip 18: November 18th, 2009 - 23 weeks on T

Clip 19: December 9th, 2009 - 26 weeks on T (This one was recorded one day shy of my 6-month anniversary of starting T)

General Updates

I said I'd try to write more often, so here I am.

This time 2 weeks from now I'll be breast-free. Woohoo! I very excited. Mind you, I'm not excited about having surgery per-se, but I am excited for the end result. I'm also excited that for my birthday in January, I won't be wearing a binder. It's kind of like my first birthday truly feeling like myself. That's one hell of a birthday present.

As I said, my facial hair is growing in which I'm happy about. Unfortunately, it's growing in unevenly. It's annoying, but I suppose it'll get there eventually.

Laura and I have been working out a lot more and I can say that it's exciting to be able to work out and actually see the results in terms of muscle growth. Since starting Testosterone, I've noticed a marked difference in the way my body responds to working out. I love it! I've also noticed that the T has affected how my body distributes adipose tissue (fat). It's not putting it onto my hips so much anymore. I suspect, if I weren't working out, I'd be developing a bit of a gut instead. So, yay! for working out.

I promised voice clips and photos in my last post, so I'm going to try to upload them tomorrow or Friday. My temp job a University of Puget Sound ended without them being able to extend it, so I'll have more free time heading up to Christmas.

Update 11-24-09

First bit: Surgery

Okay, so I know I promised more info about my top surgery three months ago. But here's the low down now.

I'm scheduled for my top surgery on December 30th at 7:30am. It'll be down in San Francisco and performed by Dr. Michael Brownstein. I won't go into all the gory details, but basically it will be a double mastectomy. You can read the specific details on Dr. Brownstein's website.

My parents and I are flying down there the afternoon of the 28th. I'll have one appointment on the 29th to just meet with Dr. Brownstein and go over the details of the surgery with him.

Laura will be joining us on the 30th shortly after my surgery gets over.

The operation typically takes 2 1/2 - 3 hours. I'll be at the hospital for a few hours following the surgery, and head back to my hotel the afternoon of the 30th. I'm told I probably won't remember very much of this day (can't say I'm surprised).

My parents need to head back on the 3rd, but Laura will be down there with me through the rest of my stay.

If everything goes well, I won't see Dr. Brownstein again until January 4th at which time the drain tubes will be removed. Two days after that (Jan 6) I'll see Dr. Brownstein one last time to have the sutures removed.

Laura and I will head back up to Washington on January 7th.

I'll still have to wear a binder for two weeks following the surgery, but after that I should be done with binders for good (Finally!)

Second bit: Documentation

Most of you know already, but I thought I should post it all the same. On October 10th I got my WA state ID to officially list me as male. That makes this my fourth ID this year! It must be some kind of record. Anyway, the next step will be my birth certificate. I'm going to wait until after my surgery to change that as I'll also be able to change the gender marker on my Passport and with the Social Security Office at that time as well.

Right now, I'm not sure where Laura and I are, legally speaking. I think I need to change my birth certificate to list me as male for us to get married, so by default our domestic partnership should still be valid. However, I can't find anything anywhere that actually lists documentation requirements for getting married (and believe me, Laura and I have both spent hours looking).

Third Bit: General Transition updates

My voice is continuing to drop, but at a much slower rate at this point. I have several recordings I need to upload.

Although, I realize this may be TMI, in generally I'm getting hairier. More arm hair, leg hair, stomach hair, well you get the idea. My facial hair is finally starting to fill in as well, which I'm very excited about. I've been taking photos of my facial hair every now and again just to document how it's growing in. I'll post the photos soon. I think they're a little silly looking since I really had almost no hair at all on my face prior to transitioning, but it's fun to see it change. I'd ask you all not to laugh, but I know you all better than that.

I have my last counseling appointment December 8th. I'm also due to have my testosterone levels checked shortly.

Okay, I think that's all for now. I'll try to write more often.

Voice Clip 11: 8-12-09

Here is my 11th voice clip. For the previous 10 clips, please see my post from yesterday, August 11th.

Clip 11: August 12th, 2009 - 9 weeks on T

Voice Changes 2.0 - actual sound clips

Okay, so here are the first round of sound clips. I've been doing recordings once a week since I started T. The first clip is from before I started T, just so I'd have a point of reference that was completely pre-hormones. I try to do my voice recordings every Wednesday morning after I've taken my testosterone shot, so there will be a new clip for tomorrow as well.

The first recordings are a little rough and the volume varies a bit initially. At that point I was still figuring out how to use my microphone properly.

This is my first attempt trying to post sound clips, so please let me know if they don't work for some reason.

Clip 1: June 1st, 2009 - 10 days pre-T

Clip 2: June 11th, 2009 - 1 day on T

Clip 3: June 17th, 2009 - 1 week on T

Clip 4: June 24th, 2009 - 2 weeks on T

Clip 5: July 1st, 2009 - 3 weeks on T

Clip 6: July 8th, 2009 - 4 weeks on T

Clip 7: July 15th, 2009 - 5 weeks on T

Clip 8: July 22nd, 2009 - 6 weeks on T

Clip 9: July 29th, 2009 - 7 weeks on T

Clip 10: August 5, 2009 - 8 weeks on T

Update 8-3-09

Wow! So, it's already August. What the heck happened to the summer. There's so much I still want to cram into it. Sorry, just surprised at how quickly it's gone by...

At any rate, it's been a while since I've posted. There hasn't been a whole lot to post in regard to changes. My voice is continuing to drop. I know I said I'd be posting my voice clips soon, and I haven't, but I will... promise. All told, they're not very interesting anyway. Just me saying the same thing every week. Plus, since they're weekly, the change is heard very gradually (with a couple exceptions).

I'm starting to grow facial hair (and more body hair in general). It's actually been coming in for a little over a month now, but as with teenagers, there's nothing impressive to see just yet. I have been taking photos every one-two weeks right before shaving, just to have a documentation of how quickly (or slowly) it's growing. It is growing sufficiently enough, that if I don't shave, it just looks really stupid. Mostly it's blonde, soft, wispy stuff, though it is coming in pretty densely. Kind of a weird combination.

I've also started talking to a surgeon about getting top surgery (chest reconstruction). His name is Dr. Brownstein and is based out of San Francisco. His website is www.brownsteinmd.com if anyone is interested in checking out his work. He answers a number of questions about surgery options and procedures, and also has a good collection of patient photos for those who are curious what the results look like.

There are two types of top surgery, one is called keyhole, the other is a double mastectomy. I will be getting a double mastectomy. There are several reasons why I think this is the best option for me, which I'll go over at another time. The most important reason is that keyhole surgery is really only an option for transmen with very small breasts (i.e. size A or smaller.) I'm not a size A.

You may be wondering, "Why all the way down to San Francisco?" Good question. There are probably a couple surgeons up here who will perform chest reconstruction for FTM's but they don't have nearly the experience of Dr. Brownstein, who's been doing FTM chest reconstruction for over 35 years. In fact, he's one of the most experienced surgeons in the country. A friend of mine also got his surgery from Dr. Brownstein and is pleased with the results. I'm pleased with the results too!

Right now I'm looking at either December 30th as a date or January. We'll have to see what works out in terms of scheduling, since I know both my parents would like to be there and I know I would appreciate the support. I'll go into more detail about my surgery as I find out more information. For now, I just invite you to check out Dr. Brownstein's website.

Voice Changes 1.0

My voice has started to drop. I wasn't sure initially, since I didn't hear any change until after working my booth at the Seattle Pride Festival on June 27th. I almost talked myself hoarse. For the first couple days I just attributed the change to the festival. Certainly, some of it was the strain on my voice from the Pride Festival, but not all of it. I think I can safely say at this point that my voice is starting to get lower and roughen a bit. I don't know how low it'll go. There are many transmen out there who's voices don't drop very much, but rather who's voices just get gruffer. Of course, I also don't know how high their voices were to begin with. Ultimately, it's all just up to our individual biology.

I actually noticed a difference in how my throat felt within a few days of starting Testosterone. The closest feeling I can liken it to is how your throat feels when you're about to lose your voice from a cold or from yelling a lot. But there was none of the discomfort of having a cold or having talked my vocal cords raw. All told it was a bit of an odd feeling. I don't know if this is how it feels for cisgendered (non-transgendered) men when they go through puberty. If any of you remember how it felt, I'd be curious to know.

On a related note, I'm going to start posting my voice recordings shortly. I'm trying to find a way to upload them or embed them into these posts so you can listen to them. At the same time, I want them to be secure, so not just anyone can download them. If anyone has any suggestions on this front I'd appreciate them. As far as I can tell Blogger (the blogging tool you're viewing right now) lets you upload videos, but not sound clips.

That's all for now!

Chaz Bono

I'm sure some of you have already heard or read about this, but I thought I'd share, just in case.  Chastity Bono (Sonny and Cher's child) has started the process of transitioning from female to male and now goes by Chaz Bono.  There are several articles available online, all say more or less the same thing.  All the articles I've seen have been pretty respectful of his decision and his privacy.  I don't usually follow celebrities very closely, but this is actually a pretty major development for awareness of trans issues in mainstream media.  Chaz is the first celebrity (that I'm aware of) to transition.

Here's one of the articles from People Magazine:

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20284698,00.html

Starting T

Yesterday, I started taking testosterone.  There's really not much to tell about this, since it's pretty straight forward.  I had a doctor's appointment yesterday, during which my doctor walked me through how to self-administer the injection.  I'll be injecting .5cc once a week.  1cc every other week is a more common dosage, but it can lead to more significant ups and downs in mood.  I've opted to play it safe with the moods and just poke myself twice as often.

Obviously there won't be any changes for a while.  My voice will probably be the first change that I or anyone else notices.  I'm going to be recording my voice each week.  However, I won't post any recordings online  for about another month, since there won't be any changes to be heard any earlier than that.

Anyway, just thought I'd share with everyone.  In many ways, this is the biggest step in transitioning.  More than any surgery I might get down the line, the testosterone will be responsible for most of the changes I go through.  I'm very excited to be starting on this journey finally.  I'm glad you all get to watch the proverbial grass grow with me.

Picking up Testosterone Prescription

I just wanted to relate my experience about picking up my prescription for T.  A week ago (5/28) I went up to Seattle a picked up my prescription from my doctor.  It's too highly controlled of a substance to be faxed or called in to a pharmacy.

I really wasn't sure what to expect from the folks at the pharmacy.  They're supposed to be friendly and not give people odd looks for their prescriptions, but honestly, I figured I'd get at least a little bit of double take bringing in a prescription for testosterone.  I mean, as much as I try to pass as a guy while out in public, my voice is quite clearly female and my ID still says "F" instead of "M" on it.  I was sure they would be weirded out by someone they certainly perceived as female requesting a prescription for testosterone.  I was pleasantly surprised when I brought in the prescription and the woman looked at it and went in the back to check that they had it on hand.  They did.  She didn't even blink at the request.

We still had to wait a bit for her to run the insurance info and input the prescription into their system. There were also several prescriptions ahead of mine.  Now, I had been to this pharmacy before, for other prescriptions, so my information was in their system, but under "Heather" not "Henry" (my prescription was written out to my current name).  When we came back to pick up the actual prescription, she had already updated their information with my new name.  Overall, the experience was actually a pleasant one (I had been bracing myself for a potentially unpleasant one).

As a side note, my insurance did cover the prescription.  I don't know if they will kick it back at a later date or not.  Insurance companies are notoriously inconsistent with coverage of transpeople.

Letter on Monday

It's official.  I'll be getting my Letter for starting T for sure this Monday.  I chatted with my counselor when she called to reschedule for an appointment later in the day and she said that she'd definitely have my letter for me.  I just thought I'd let everyone know.

Men's Tank-tops

So this weekend I thought I'd try to find a tank-top I could wear with my binder (without it showing, or at least not showing much).  After about 2 1/2 hours of searching the Tacoma Mall, I realized that all men's tank tops have amazingly low-cut arm holes.  Now, I realize that men tend to sweat more and the large arm holes are supposed to help with that (I'm told it's to cool down the arm pits, but I suspect it's mostly just so the sweat doesn't show).  But really, I'd have expected to find at least ONE tank top with closer cut arm holes.  In the end I went with a tank top from the boys department.  It's also shorter which is good, since I'm only 5' 3" with an appropriate proportioned torso (no I really don't need the extra foot and a half tacked onto most men's tanks and undershirts).  Seriously though, someone could make some serious bank marketing clothing to the trans community.  I mean really, even after transitioning, transmen are still going to average, well, about my height.  And transwomen are going to tend to be taller and have narrow hips... oh wait... they make clothes like that already...

2 weeks and counting...

Yesterday I got the news from my counselor that I've been waiting for. I'm going to be starting T in 2 weeks. She told me that she should have my Letter for me when we meet for our next session, June 8th. The gender specialist at Seattle Counseling Service has to sign off on the Letter, so it's not a for sure thing just yet. However, my counselor said she didn't see any reason that the specialist wouldn't sign off. Two days later I have an appointment with my Seattle doctor.

It's a little strange to me that I have two general practitioners that I see, but the doctor I see here in Tacoma didn't feel comfortable prescribing testosterone. She specializes in women's health, so the occasion for her to prescribe T for anyone just doesn't occur. I'd have been the first.

Instead I'm seeing a doctor at Capitol Hill Medial. I would recommend any of the doctors at this office for trans patients. I have never felt anything but welcome and completely accepted at Capitol Hill Medical. Capitol Hill Medical is a practice that just opened up last August and specifically serves the GLBTA community.

The first time I called to make an appointment, the receptionist informed me that most of their patients were either gay, lesbian, bisexual, and/or transgender, and that if this made me uncomfortable, then this probably was not the best match for me (he worded it much better than I did). I found this sort of pro-active approach to serving the GLBT community extremely refreshing. It wasn't just a passive sort of "We won't discriminate against you", but rather "You are the patient we want to serve." The practice comprises of 3 doctors, all men, probably all gay (thought that may just by an assumption on my part), and all of whom see trans patients and are willing to help them with transitioning. If all goes well with getting my Letter, I'll get my first injection of testosterone on June 10th. Believe me, I'm counting down the days...

Domestic Partnership

Laura and I are officially domestic partners now with my new name change.  Once I get my gender designation changed however, we'll probably have to get legally married.  I don't want to give the impression that we don't want to get legally married.  We do.  We don't like the idea that we'll "have" to get married in order for me to continue to get benefits etc.  It just seems very backwards to us that because I could be legally diagnosed with a mental disorder, all of a sudden two people who are biologically female can get married in a state with a Defense of Marriage Act in place.

Update 5-25-09

Tomorrow I have another appointment with my counselor.  I've actually had one appointment since I last posted.  I asked her the last time we met if she could give me a timeline for when i'll start T.  She said she couldn't since she doesn't actually write sign off on the Letter.  What she does is make a case to the Gender Specialist at Seattle Counseling Service.  The Gender Specialist then signs off on the Letter (or not).  I'm hoping that tomorrow she'll be able to give me a more definitive timeline.  I'm trying not to get my hope up though.  It'll be a major disappointment if I have to go yet another two weeks wondering when it's going to happen.

Counseling

I still haven't started taking Testosterone (T) yet.  I was supposed to start a week from yesterday, but I was assigned a new intern for my counseling, which pushed back my schedule a bit.  I don't actually know when I'm going to start at this point, but I'm hoping within a month.  It's very frustrating not having a timeline anymore.

Since most of you probably don't know what the process is for starting T, I'm going to take this opportunity to go over it.

The first step is figuring out that you're transgendered and that you want to transition.  Not everyone does decide to transition.  For some people deciding that you want to transition can be the biggest step of all.  For others, it's something they've known their whole lives.

From here there are two steps a guy can take.

One step, is to speak directly with a physician who will prescribe Testosterone.  This is not the most common avenue for obtaining a prescription for T.  For one, it's very difficult to find a doctor who knows much about how T will affect their FTM patient.  If for some reason a doctor doesn't know much about it, but is open minded and willing to learn, often the patient will have to teach the doctor.  Transpeople who want to transition, have often done extensive research into the effects of the hormones they need to take.  In many areas they are well equipped to teach others, however, most are still not trained medical professionals.  So, essentially, the patient ends up dishing out quite a bit of money to teach their physician how to treat them.  Most physicians are not comfortable with this arrangement (understandably), but if there are no other options and they feel strongly about helping their patient some doctors will do what they can and learn along the way.  This approach completely legal, if not recommended.  Of course, someone has to be the first in their area.

The second option after figuring out that you want to transition, is finding a trans-friendly therapist/counselor who will write your "letter".  You then take this letter to a physician who prescribes you T and monitors your physical health.  The physician quite possibly is not any better informed or trained than any doctor, but because their patient went through a therapist first it's possible they might have access to additional information.

This process basically follows the Harry Benjamin Standards of Care (SOC).  "Standards of care for gender identity disorders are non-binding protocols outlining the usual treatment for individuals who wish to undergo hormonal or surgical transition to the other sex. Clinicians' decisions regarding patients' treatment are often influenced by this standard of care (SOC)." (see this wikipedia article for more info and reference)

Your letter is basically a letter, signed by a licensed mental health professional, stating that you desire to transition from one sex to the other, and that your reasons for doing so are legitimate (in other words, you're not schizophrenic).  It used to be that mental health professionals would write a letter officially diagnosing you with Gender Identity Disorder (GID), for which the treatment is to transition.  This practice has been slowly changing.  Being diagnosed with a mental illness can be extremely hurtful, especially when no illness is actually present.  Many mental health professionals these days consider it enough, simply to say that their patient is of sound enough mind to make this sort of major decision.  This is the practice at Seattle Counseling Service (a GLBT focused counseling center), where I'm going to obtain my letter.

It's preferable to find a counselor who has done counseling for people who want to transition before for much the same reasons as finding a doctor who has helped other clients transition before.  But again someone has to be the first, and if the counselor is open-minded it's important to weigh having experience in trans issues against a counselor/client relationship that may already be well forged.

There is actually a third option for obtaining T, which is to obtain it illegally, without a prescription.  This method is not recommended for all the usual reasons taking controlled substances without a prescription isn't recommended.

According the SOC (also used internationally) 3 months of counseling are recommended before issuing a letter.  My three month mark would have been this Monday (5/11), but the intern I was seeing ended her internship and left Seattle Counseling.  I saw my new intern only last week.  Understandably, she felt the need to get to know me a bit better before writing my letter, so I'll just have to wait and see if she can give a me timeline the next time we meet.

I'm now legal!

I just want to let you all know that I am now legally, Henry Lee Heather Waymack.  I actually got my named changed a couple weeks ago, but I've been pretty busy, so I haven't had time to post anything.

The process was pretty simple as you would expect for a name change.  Fill out the paperwork, go into court, tell a judge you're not changing your name for fraudulent reasons, then pay the $117 fee.  Initially, I thought $117 was a lot, until I heard, from my friend Kyle, that it costs closer to $450 in California!

Gender Designation Change 1.0

Yesterday was my transman social group.  We meet the first and third Tuesday of each month.  Kyle (a friend and co-facilitator for the group) and I had some time to kill waiting for other folks to show up, so we decided to go online and see what was involved in getting my gender designation changed in Washington.  Kyle's from California, so his process in terms of paperwork was a bit different from what mine will be.  We were both please to note that the process in Washington is actually fairly easy and straight forward.

Changine your official gender designation is much easier in WA than CA. According to the Ingersoll Gender Center (www.ingersollcenter.org), all that's required is to have a licensed professional write a letter stating that you are undergoing "appropriate clinical treatment" for Gender Identity Disorder.  The professional who writes the letter can be a medical professional or mental health professional, depending on the treatment to which they're referring (hormones, counseling, and/or surgery).  Besides, this letter all that is required is the expected documents verifying that you are who you say you are (birth certificate, etc.)  Additionally, you can apply for a name change at the same time as changing your gender designation, saving money and time.

Just a quick note about "appropriate clinical treatment" for Gender Identity Disorder or Gender Identity Dysphoria (either way GID).  Being slapped with a mental disorder is a spot of a fair amount of contention (understandably) in the trans community.  There are many pros and cons to being labeled with GID which I won't go into at the moment.  I will say that I don't regard myself as having a mental disorder.  I don't think there is anything wrong with me, nor do many mental health professionals who provide counseling for GID.

WELCOME!

Hello. I just want to say welcome to my trans-blog!

Okay, so initially, it'll be centered around my transition from female-to-male (FTM), but in the long term will probably just become a blog about Laura's and my life in general.

Initially I'm hoping to help people understand the process of transitioning and understand some of the obstacles that transpeople face in life. I will try to provide resources you can use to look information up on your own or find the answer to any questions you may have. If you have any personal questions for me about my transition, I want you know that you are more than welcome to ask any questions (and mean ANY) you want. I know you all well enough to know, I can trust you to be respectful.

Sometimes, Laura may post as well.

To start off, I just want to go over some key terms I'll probably use. Sometimes, I'll use these terms out of the context list below if I'm referring to a particular source that uses them differently.

• sex - refers to one's biological sex.
  
• gender - refers to how one feels and sees oneself fitting their given culture.
  
• FTM - female-to-male transgender person.
  
• MTF - male-to-female transgender person.
  
• Transman - female-to-male transgender person.
• Transwoman - male-to-female transgender person.
• Transgender - an umbrella term for anyone who considers themselves someone who crosses conventional or cultural/societal gender boundaries.
  
• Transsexual - someone who plans to permanently alter their physical appearance through surgery and hormones to change sexes. Usually this will also include people who alter their bodies through hormones only.
• Cisgender - someone who is not transgendered.
• Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Heterosexual/etc. - these are designations that refer to attraction only. This may seem obvious, but they have no bearing at all on how someone perceives their own gender. There are just as many (some say more) transmen out there who are attracted to men, thus "gay", as there are transmen who are attracted to women, thus heterosexual. Likewise a transwoman attracted to women might consider herself a lesbian. A transwoman attracted to men would probably consider herself heterosexual.
• Top Surgery - refers to surgery performed on the chest to remove breast and surgically sculpt a transman's chest to resemble a typical male chest. Essentially a double mastectomy. The equivalent for transwomen would be breast enhancements.
• Bottom Surgery - refers to surgery performed to alter the genitals of the transperson to more closely resemble the genitals of the gender they feels themselves to be.
• T - this is a shortening of the word testosterone. It's a long word to write, and just as long to say, so often, I'll simply say "T". Testosterone is the hormone I'll be taking as part of my transition. It's also, what will cause the majority of the changes in my body.

Many of these designations (gay, lesbian, transgender) are ultimately just labels that we put on people. It's important to remember that while we may think someone fits into a particular category, they may not see themselves are part of that category. Hopefully, I haven't left any major terms off, but if I have I'll be sure to fill them in as I think of them.

I hope you all enjoy this blog and find it informative. I know I'll enjoy updating it.

- Henry Lee Heather Waymack